Day 8

Love is Not Jealous

Song of Solomon 8:6

Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm:

 for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof

 are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.

Jealousy ~ Zeal ~ to burn with an intense fire

* Proverb 27:4 ~ "Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy?"

Two Forms of Jealousy:

 1) Legitimate [based on love]

* Deuteronomy 4:24 ~ "For the LORD thy God is a consuming fire, even a jealous God."

 2) Illegitimate [based on hate]

* James 3:16 ~ "For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work."

* 4:1-2 ~ "From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not."

Today's Dare

Determine to become Anthony's biggest fan and reject any thoughts of jealousy.To help me set my heart on him and focus on his acheivements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with him how glad I am about a recent success he recently enjoyed.

How hard was it to destroy that list? What are some positive experiences that I can celebrate in the life of Anthony? How can I encourage him toward future successes?

~ It wasn't hard to burn the paper, I just forgot to do it yesterday. Got busy, and totally forgot to do my dare. OOPS!
   Something positive to celebrate in Anthony's life?........
He finally learned to stick up for me when it comes to his family. He takes my side over theirs more. He used to say one thing to them and then change his mind because he didn't want to deal with it.That left me lookijg like the bad gut, the one who made the first dicision in the first place. Now, he tends to stick with our decisions a lot more.
   How can I encourage him?.........
I can continue to praise him when he does this. Continue to build up his self-worth.

Romans 12:15 ~ "Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep."

Day 7

Love Believes the Best

1 Corinthians 13:7

(Charity) Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

Today's Dare

Get two sheets of paper. On the first one, write out positive things about Anthony.

On the second one, do the same with negative things. Put both sheets somewhere secret.

There will be a purpose and plan for each one, some day.

 At some point in the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list

 and thank Anthony for having this characteristic.

Which list was easier to make? What did this reveal about my thoughts? What attribute did I thank Anthony for having?

~ The Negative List was easier to make, I think. Part of that could be because of the mood I'm in today, I guess. I don't know. I know I was highly aggravated at him for a while. We had to borrow money from his Dad. Anthony's Blazer needed new tires in the front, and we couldn't really afford it, but he kept having to drive MINE to work, when it rained, since he doesn't drive the death machine motorcycle in the rain. Knowing we couldn't afford it, but needing it done, he asked his Dad if we could borrow the money. He told his Dad we could pay him back $100 a month. "AHHHHH" Uh, not likely! We've already committed to some other things. I had told him this yesterday, but he took the car in, anyway. Well, the $500 he thought it would cost, turned into a $1300 job!!! Not only did the tires need to be replaced, the front end had to be rebuilt. So, now we are in debt, with his Dad, up to our eyeballs! The $100 a month I am fixing to start making, working for April, is NOT going toward Braces for Lane for a while...... But, I told him I didn't mind paying for the car repairs out of that money, IF he was willing to do odd jobs, and use that money, too. He also said something about cutting his Cafeteria Bill at work, but I've heard that one so many times, I can't help not believing THAT one. But...I'm committed to trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, so maybe he will do it this time.

So, yes, the Negative List was easier to make. But, I got a few things on the Positive List, too. And the Positive Attribute I chose to thank him for, was How much he tries to do the right thing when it comes to Spiritual Matters. He has grown so much over the last couple of years, in that aspect. It has made me love him so much more.

Philippians 4:8 ~ "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

Day 6

Love is Not Irritable

Proverb 16:32

He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.

Am I a calming breeze, or a storm waiting to happen?

Two Contributing Key Factors to Why We Become Irritable:
1) Stress
    *Relational Causes
    *Excessive Causes
    *Deficiencies

Ways To Avoid Unhealthy Stress:

* Let Love Guide You ~ Colossians 3:12-14 "Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;  Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.  And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness."
* Pray Through Anxieties ~ Philippians 4:6-7 "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.  And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
* Delegate When Overworked ~ Exodus 18:17-23 "And Moses' father in law said unto him, The thing that thou doest is not good.  Thou wilt surely wear away, both thou, and this people that is with thee: for this thing is too heavy for thee; thou art not able to perform it thyself alone.  Hearken now unto my voice, I will give thee counsel, and God shall be with thee: Be thou for the people to God-ward, that thou mayest bring the causes unto God:  And thou shalt teach them ordinances and laws, and shalt shew them the way wherein they must walk, and the work that they must do.  Moreover thou shalt provide out of all the people able men, such as fear God, men of truth, hating covetousness; and place such over them, to be rulers of thousands, and rulers of hundreds, rulers of fifties, and rulers of tens:  And let them judge the people at all seasons: and it shall be, that every great matter they shall bring unto thee, but every small matter they shall judge: so shall it be easier for thyself, and they shall bear the burden with thee.  If thou shalt do this thing, and God command thee so, then thou shalt be able to endure, and all this people shall also go to their place in peace."
* Avoid Overindulgence ~ Proverb 25:16 "Hast thou found honey? eat so much as is sufficient for thee, lest thou be filled therewith, and vomit it."

2) Selfishness
  
~ Matthew 12:34 "O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh."
 
  *Lust ~ James 4:1-3 "From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?  Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.  Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts."
   *Bitterness ~ Ephesians 4:31 "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:"
   *Greed ~ 1 Timothy 6:9-10 "But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition.  For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows."
   *Pride

Today's Dare

Choose to react to tough circumstances in my marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation.

 Make a list of areas where I need to add margin to my schedule.

Then list any wrong motivations that I need to release from my life.

Where do I need to add margin to my life? When have I recently overreacted? What was my real motivation behind it? What decisions did I make today?

~ I'm not exactly sure what this dare really means. I know I tend to overreact to everything, these days. I have a trust issue with Anthony, I think. It goes back to the past, when we were having some serious problems that had to be overcome. It seemed that no matter how many times I'd decide that "this time it would be different, he'd do as he said he'd do", every time I'd get bite (so to speak). I never felt safe enough to trust him. I tried, but it never worked. Now, most of those issues have been worked out. Not all but most. We are both committed to this marriage. We will get our issues resolved at some point or another. That being said, I still have trouble trusting. So, yes I tend to overreact to many things. So, I think my challenge to myself is to once again, put my heart on the line, and strive to learn to trust him.

Acts 24:16 ~ And herein do I exercise myself, to have always a conscience void of offence toward God, and toward men.

Day 5

Love is Not Rude

Proverb 27:14

He that blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising early

in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him.

*Proverb 25:24 ~ It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.
*Psalm 112:5 ~ A good man sheweth favour, and lendeth: he will guide his affairs with discretion.

Two Reasons for Being Rude:
1) Ignorance
2) Selfishness

Ask These Questions to Test Myself:
1) How does Anthony feel about the way I speak and act around him?
2) How does my behavior affect Anthony's sense of worth and self-esteem?
3) Would Anthony say I'm a blessing, or that I'm condescending and embarrassing?

Three Guiding Principles for Practicing Etiquette in My Marriage:
1) Guard the Golden Rule ~ Treat Anthony the way I want to be treated.
* Luke 6:31 ~ And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.
2) No Double Standards ~ Be considerate to Anthony as I am to others.
3) Honor Requests ~ Consider what Anthony already asked me to do or not to do. If in doubt, then ask him.

Today's Dare

Ask Anthony to tell me 3 things that cause him to uncomfortable or irritated with me.

Do this without attacking him or justifying my behavior. This is from his perspective only.

What did Anthony point out about me that need my attention? How did I handle hearing it? What do I plan to do to improve these areas?

~ Okay, so I knew this dare was going to be a big challenge, for me. Anytime Anthony points out anything he doesn't like about me, I tend to argue and try to defend myself. I want to explain and justify what I do. So, I knew this would be a hard one. But, I did good! I was open to what he had to say, and I didn't argue or try to defend or justify anything.
   Here are the three things he said.

1. He thinks I spend too much time on the computer
2. He thinks I'm too bossy.
3. He thinks that too many times, I leave when he gets home.

   The first and third things were no surprise to me. He's actually mentioned those two things recently, so I was expecting him to say them. The second one threw me. I wanted to argue, but instead, I asked what he meant by that. I wanted to understand. I mean, I'm Momma. I'm suppose to be bossy, right? What he'd meant, though, was that he thinks I boss him around, too. Maybe I do.....
   So what am I going to do about these things?

   He thinks I spend too much time on the computer. Maybe I should have certain times of the day to be online. A time limit might not be such a bad idea, either.
   He thinks I'm too bossy. Hmmm....maybe I am. I need to start watching how I speak to him, and maybe I'll see what he's talking about.
   He thinks I'm gone a lot. I personally think that I'm not, but, he does, so I'm going to have to change how I do things. I do go to town in the evenings. I don't like taking the kids to the store. A few times I've been going to do things with Nicole, but not much. I'm not sure why he thinks I'm gone all the time, because I feel like I'm home ALL the time. I know that the entire winter, I was stuck at home with one sick son or another. Maybe he's not used to me not being here all the time. I did start going a doing more once everyone started feeling better. I think I was going stir crazy. I really don't know how to fix this one. I honestly feel like he'd be fine if I never went anywhere, and I think I'd go crazy. I'm going to need help figuring this one out. He goes to work all day, and I stay home with the boys. That is a choice I made, and I wouldn't change that, but there are times when I need a bit of a break. Maybe I'm wrong. I know my family comes first, but if I can't take some time to refresh myself, then I will have a breakdown, I think. Yep, I need help with this one.


Ecclesiastes 10:12 ~ The words of a wise man's mouth are gracious; but the lips of a fool will swallow up himself.

Day 4

Love is thoughtful

Psalm 139:17-18

How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God!

how great is the sum of them!

If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand:

 when I awake, I am still with thee.

*Genesis 2:18 ~ And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Today's Dare

At some point in the day, find out how Anthony's

doing and if he needs anything.

What did I learn about myself or Anthony by doing this today? How could this become  a more natural, routine, and genuinely helpful part of my lifestyle?

~ Today is Sunday, so I thought this dare might be a little hard to do, yet. I figured I'd have to wait til tomorrow and call him at work. I tried to come up with something I could do, but have drawn a blank. Plus, tomorrow will be kinda hard, too. He's taking my car to work, so I'll be stuck at home. I'll still be able to call and see how he's doing. But as for the other, I'll have to figure that out.

Philippians 1:3 ~ I thank my God upon every remembrance of you,

Day 3

Love is Not Selfish

Romans 12:10

Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;

*1Corinthians 13:5 ~ (speaking of Charity) ...seeketh not her own,...

*Philippians 2:3 ~ Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.

Do I truly want what's best for Anthony?

Do I want him to feel loved by me?

Does he believe believe I have his best interests in mind?

Does he see me as looking out for myself first?

Today's Dare

Along with still restraining from saying anything negative,

buy Anthony something that says, "I was thinking of you today.

What did I buy Anthony? What happened when I gave it to him?

~ Well, I thought today's challenge might be difficult to do, since Anthony was still out of town. But, he made it back this evening. My entire family was at Mom and Dad's, today, celebrating Mother's Day. Anthony drove there from Fouke, on his death machine motorcycle. When we went home, tonight, Anthony was not with the kids and me. We drove over to Sonic, and got him a Large Sweet Ice Tea. I didn't get myself a drink, because I was doing this for him, not me. When we got home, I handed it to him. He looked a little confused and asked why I'd done it. I told him that I just did. :)
   I think he enjoyed it! LOL


James 3:16 ~ For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.

Day 2

Love is Kind

Ephesians 4:32

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,

 even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

 

*Proverb 3:3-4 ~ Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart: So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man.

 

There are four core ingredients to being kind:

1. Gentleness
2. Helpfulness
3. Willingness
4. Initiative

*Luke 10 ~ The Parable of the Samaritan

*Proverb 31:26 ~ She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

 

Today's Dare

 

In addition to saying nothing negative to Anthony again,

do at least one unexpected thing out of kindness.

 

What discoveries about love did I make today? What specific thing did I do for this dare? How did I show kindness?

 

~ With Anthony being gone to see Grandma Nall, this weekend, it's been hard to come up with something I could do for him. But I think I found something. But first, a little background story, so that the reasoning behind it can be understood.

 

   Anthony and I have been married for over 11 years. In that time frame, I could probably count the number of times I've done his laundry on one hand (maybe both). It's just been the one thing that he's always done (besides the garbage and mowing) around the house. I do mine and the kids, and he does his. Over the years, I've fussed and fumed that his laundry never gets done when it should. It's always all over the floor. He overloads the washer and dryer. Among other things. Yet, it's only gotten to were I couldn't stand it, to were I did it myself, a few times. Partly, because I just don't think about it, and partly, because I figure he's a big boy. He ought to figure it out, by now, how to do the laundry the right way. So, his dirty laundry piles up until he has enough for three loads and he does them in one or two; and then the clean laundry ends up in the floor after it's dried. Which leads to another excuse I use. I can never tell which of the piles are clean and which is dirty, without smelling them. AND I'M NOT GONNA DO THAT!!!
   So, today, I did his laundry AND put it all up! Now, that will be one less thing we have to worry about, when we get around to doing that major cleaning spree, we need to have in the bedroom.

 

 

Proverb 19:22 ~ The desire of a man is his kindness:...